Rescue Mission Philosophy
Q. Our son has been a drug addict and mentally ill for at least 35 years. We have bailed him out of jail, bought him several cars which he totaled, supported him financially, and done other things to help him. Now we are in our eighties and fear what happens to him after we die.
Answer:
How sad! My heart goes out to you. It is tragic to see our own children flounder and fail like this.
A Rescue Mission Philosophy
We thought you might appreciate hearing how our local rescue mission deals with some of its residents who are similar to your son.
Rules
The director is a forty-year (retired) pastor. When someone comes to the mission for aid they are told they cannot smoke, drink, or take illegal drugs. This is partially because if they have money to smoke or drink or take drugs then they don’t really need all the services of the mission – and besides, donors are offended by “tough” acting residents. So residents must have a cooperative attitude, want to get along with others, and truly need and want the help.
Daily Requirements
In addition to not smoking, drinking or taking drugs, they are required to attend daily discussions and bible studies. The director counsels them one-on-one about the circumstances of their lives and what they can do to change things. This follows his biblical belief that “if someone will not work then neither will he eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10).
Job Training
If they are cooperative and attend daily bible study and group meetings and don’t smoke or drink, then the director may arrange for a resident to attend our local junior college for career training or on-the-job training, or send them to apply for jobs.
Mentally Ill Residents
If they are mentally ill, then the director helps them to get to social services to find group care, adult foster care, or HUD housing – if they are cooperative in the other things mentioned above. (But, even group homes, foster care, and HUD housing have some rules – like not smoking or drinking in a facility, for example).
Strict Standards
If they smoke or drink, take drugs or are disruptive to others, they must leave. Period. The director has found that even “mentally ill” people have a degree of self-control. If they want the help they will do the minimal things required of them to get food and shelter.
Disruptive to Others
For example, a sweet, intelligent man named Shannan came to town. He was extremely bright and informed and loved to write. I really enjoyed talking with Shannan. But, Shannan had a miserable temper. He turned on people who gave him help, got into physical fights, and yelled obscenities at residents of the rescue mission.
Oddly, this man was able to calm down at times when we or the director “talked him down.” But still, most of the time he was terribly disruptive to the others and invoked fear in those around him. He drank and smoked and took illegal drugs during these “fits.” So Shannan was unable to stay at the mission.
Temper-Tantrums
Another fellow, Justin, lived in an adult foster care home for awhile. Sadly, Justin could not control his temper, either. He picked fights with others in the home, drank, and took illegal drugs. The foster care home had no choice but to kick him out. He was terribly threatening to the others.
Relapses
One of our close friends, Chris, also proved unable to stay for extended periods at the mission. Chris did great much of the time. But, then he had periods where he smoked, drank and took “meth.” So Chris was not allowed to stay there.
Destructive Family History
Meanwhile, Chris’s parents live with an older schizophrenic brother who beats them up from time to time. Mind you, the parents are in their 80s!
At one point Chris’s Dad invested in a tiny, old run-down shack in a small local town – just a tiny bedroom, living room & kitchen combined – leaky roof and terribly dilapidated. The father was going to sell it but decided to let Chris live there until they need the money or they die. The parents live somewhere in the Southern states and are considered “enablers” and mentally ill themselves.
Church Involvement
Chris is 68 years old, takes at least six prescription drugs for bi-polar disease and clinical depression, lives on welfare, and attends our church. Our church members look in on Chris, bring him food or buy gas for his car, and try to include him in whatever they can.
Chris attends a weekly Men’s Breakfast on Saturday mornings, attends Ken’s group studies from time to time, and goes to church on Sundays.
“If a man won’t work neither will he eat”
As long as Chris makes some attempt to be around church members and church activities and doesn’t smoke or drink in their presence, the church members want to help him. This is a form of our church members also following “If a man will not work neither let him eat” – just like the rescue mission.
Chris is a brother in Christ and the church loves him dearly – just like family. So if Chris makes a little attempt to do some things the church is willing to help him in return. It seems fair, and Chris is appreciative of his dwelling and church support.
Future Plans for Chris
I know that if Chris loses his housing the pastor will send him to social services or the rescue mission for help in finding adult foster care or a group home. But, even at those places Chris will have to follow some “rules” in order to live there. He will not be able to be disruptive, fight with others, drink, take drugs or live a disruptive lifestyle. Knowing Chris, he wouldn’t want to anyway.
No Tolerance for Manipulators
Neither the rescue mission nor our church allows themselves to be manipulated by so-called needy people. If someone who needs help is unwilling to quit drinking, smoking, taking drugs or engaging in destructive lifestyles, then they won’t get any help from the rescue mission or church. Needy people will “live under the bridge” until they decide to cooperate with minimal rules. This may seem harsh. But, it is also fair.
Two Biblical Ideas
The rescue mission, our church, and other church members in this locale follow two main things:
First is the biblical injunction, “Those unwilling to work will not get to eat”(NLT).
That “work” can mean cooperation with others by attending group meetings, to a desire to get along with others in order to receive necessary aid. (It doesn’t necessarily mean work as in a “job,” depending on an individual’s circumstances).
The second is from the Serenity Prayer. Paraphrased, it reminds us to accept those things we can’t change (like other people). Have the courage to attempt to change those things we can (like ourselves & our own attitudes). And have the wisdom to figure out the difference (between those things I can change & those I can’t) – like myself versus other people. This is a good principle.
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I wish I could help more with direct suggestions. But, I thought you might appreciate hearing how the local rescue mission, foster care and group homes operate in our area.
Personal Choices
When it comes down to it, we each have to make our own decisions and decide what is right or what God would have us to do. For me, it helps to know how other believers in similar positions respond to similar situations – and I thought you might appreciate this, too.
We each have to come to a final, personal decision for ourselves in how to respond in situations like these.
When we Die our Choices for Kids are Over
Remember that after you are gone your son won’t have many other choices. So maybe it might be worth getting him used to this idea now – before you’re gone. In the long run it might be the kindest thing to do. Let him begin to function in a more autonomous way while you are still alive.
Pray & Don’t be Anxious
Also remember to, Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God (Phillipians 4:6, NASB).
What is the end result for believing this Scripture?
Remaining Peaceful & Sane
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:7).
God will help you keep your peace and sanity!