Forgiving & Loving Ourselves?
Q. I’ve heard people say, “You just need to forgive yourself.” But, it doesn’t make sense to me. Forgiveness comes from someone else, another person, right? Isn’t it impossible to technically forgive “yourself?” Besides, what if we don’t love ourselves to begin with?
Answer:
Great questions! There are several popular books out there in the Christian marketplace dealing with forgiving and loving “self.” But, in our culture the problem usually isn’t an issue of forgiving or loving ourselves. The problem is typically a narcissistic obsession with “self” in the first place!
Love God – Love Neighbor
For the Christian the answers are embedded within Scripture texts. Let’s look at one text that is often interpreted backwards. Hoping to trick him, a lawyer asked Jesus, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” Jesus said to him,
“‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'”
Self Before Neighbor?
Many Christians interpret the last statement to mean that we need to love ourselves first before we can love others. But, that isn’t what it says. The passage assumes that we love ourselves to begin with and that we should likewise love others.
Focusing on Others First
Here is the key:
Mature Christians tell us that in the process of putting God first in our lives and in the process of putting others’ interests before our own – we automatically develop healthy self-respect. This is how the Christian matures into having Godly “self-esteem,” by focusing on others first.
Have you ever felt great after doing something nice for someone else? On a grander scale this is how we develop true, real self-esteem.
Forgiveness from Others
Your statement that “forgiveness must come from someone else” is an astute, intelligent observation!
True forgiveness comes when we “repent” – or turn away from our sins – and receive forgiveness from our heavenly Father. The Christian’s “bar of soap” has always been 1 John 1:9:
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Simple yet Profound
Although it may seem simplistic, it is profound.
No one can “pay” for his own sins. A murderer cannot restore the life he took. The rapist cannot restore his victim’s dignity. A verbal abuser cannot adequately redeem trust. An alcoholic cannot replace the years he or she stole from his children.
But, God can forgive us of everything we have ever done. Permanently. By confessing our failures and sins we receive forgiveness from God.
S-I-N Positive Mankind
Many cultures worldwide and throughout the ages have known this instinctively. Religious leaders devised hundreds of ways for followers to atone for their own sins and failures. But, since all mankind is S-I-N positive, there is no way for men to adequately atone for their own sins and receive adequate, complete forgiveness from other sin-infected men.
Forgiveness must come from another – you are profoundly correct. But, this forgiveness ultimately comes through the Messiah who is greater than us. Our “Messiah” (Savior) saves us from ourselves – from our sins and from death. By this definition He must be greater (more good) than us and able to conquer death.