Kurt Krowel 07/23/2006
Last week, we talked about how expressions of anger are definitely on the rise. Anger is not only a joy-stealer but it’s also a dangerous emotion. It’s really hard to know whom it damages more – the person who expresses it or the person who’s on the receiving end of it.
Ephesians 4:25-32 is a key New Testament passage on dealing with our anger. Last time we looked at…
I.Discovering Right Anger (4:26a)
“Be angry, and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Eph. 4:26a).
Be Angry but do not Sin
Let me quickly review the main point we were studying here. Paul said, “In your anger, do not sin.” He was saying that it’s entirely possible to get angry, even to express anger without sinning. Much easier said than done, isn’t it.
No Venting or Frustration & Anger
He certainly wasn’t giving permission for the venting of frustration and anger as has often been a theme in modern pop-psychology. There’s no biblical basis for that kind of thinking.
Paul refers to that kind of an expression of anger in Galatians 5:19-21 as one of the works of the flesh. God also told us through Solomon that “a fool gives full vent to his anger but a wise man keeps himself under control” (Proverbs 29:11).
No Selfish Anger
How then can we express anger in the right way? Jesus is our model here. He expressed anger yet the Bible tells us that he was without sin (Heb. 4:15). Jesus didn’t retaliate when sin and wrongs were directed at him. He didn’t express his anger about his own stuff – his own agenda, his schedule, his desires, his rights or his preferences.
Righteous Anger Instead
Instead, Jesus expressed anger when His Father was wronged, and when people abused righteousness, justice, love and compassion. He didn’t use his anger as a tool of retribution when he didn’t get his own way.
That’s how we identify right anger.
Now let’s see what this passage in Ephesians teaches us about disowning wrong anger.
II.Disowning Wrong Anger (4:26b)
“Be angry, and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity” (4:26a, b, NASB).
No Excuse
Back to our passage in Ephesians 4. In the same text there is also a kind of anger that is sinful – an anger which you and I shouldn’t nurture or excuse in our own lives. If we don’t disown the wrong kind of anger in our lives we will give the devil an opportunity to stir up bitterness and resentment in our lives. That kind of anger, Paul says later in verse 31, is to be put away from the believer’s life. Sinful anger is by far the kind of anger that we are tempted to express most often.
Here are some ways to help tackle the joy-stealer of sinful or wrong anger.
Don’t Nurse your Anger
When Paul says, “do not let the sun go down on your anger,” he’s saying, “Don’t nurse your anger.” Don’t protect. Don’t indulge it by giving it an ongoing place to live in your life. Get rid of it before it spoils. While sundown is used here as a figure of speech, it is an excellent way to evaluate the state of your anger. If there’s something you’ve been angry about during the day, make sure you put an end to it by the end of the day. Don’t sleep on your anger – especially if your anger has been directed toward your spouse. You may not wake-up!
When we choose not to get rid of our anger, the danger is that it will become something worse than anger.
Anger turns into resentment, and resentment turns into bitterness, and bitterness turns into an unforgiving spirit, and an unforgiving spirit turns into a defiled conscience.
Pretty soon, we have become captives and slaves of our own anger. We can’t think about anything except the person or issue which is the focus of our anger. But if we can learn to let loose our anger by confessing it to the Lord and settling accounts if necessary with another person, we avoid the prison we were on the verge of creating for ourselves.
Here’s a helpful tip: Let bedtime be a time when we ask ourselves the question, “Am I nursing sinful anger toward anyone or anything?”
Don’t Rehearse your Anger
Secondly, don’t rehearse your anger. Some people love to tell others how angry they are. Think about this for a moment. When someone makes the statement, “You make me so angry,” they are saying something that isn’t true. No one can make you angry!
If you express sinful and wrong anger it’s only because there’s anger inside you already. If another person does something that draws that anger out of you, the anger is not their fault – it’s yours. If there were no anger in you to begin with, they could do the same thing and it would produce no sinful response in you at all.
No one can cause us to become something which we are not or don’t have in us already. That anger is already in our hearts.
When we verbalize our anger to another person, all we are doing is confirming it, making our convictions deeper: “Yes, I am angry. That person hurt me. The more I say it, the more I know I’m right.”
Verbalizing our anger just makes the roots of that anger go deeper and deeper into our heart. And the deeper the roots go, the harder it is to dig that anger out when you finally do realize you need to stop it. Don’t keep talking about your anger – over and over. Like an actor, the more you rehearse the part, the more natural it becomes for you to play it.
Don’t Converse about your Anger
This is almost the same as not rehearsing your anger. While rehearsing your anger is done for the purpose of convincing and justifying yourself, conversing about your anger to others takes the form of corrupt communication coming out of your mouth.
Look at Ephesians 4:29:
“Don’t let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen.”
Anger can fuel unwholesome communication. You can find yourself saying corrupt things about or to another person if you are harboring anger in your heart. Don’t allow anger to fuel unwholesome conversation. The kind of speech we are to be characterized by is edifying speech, words that impart grace to the hearers. Words that build up another person can’t be fueled by anger. Therefore, we are to put aside anger.
Don’t Hang Around Angry People
One final point about conversation fueled or characterized by anger. If you associate with people who speak this way, you run the risk of speaking that way yourself (Proverbs 22:24-25). I don’t like to be around angry people, and I hope you don’t either on an ongoing basis. It’s very difficult to be around that kind of person without becoming that kind of person yourself.
Don’t Disperse your Anger
Fourth, don’t disperse your anger. Look at Ephesians 4:31: “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger.” Sinful anger is just one of a number of wrong responses and behaviors that shouldn’t come out of the life of a Christian, at least a Christian who is controlled by the Holy Spirit.
To use modern language, I think Paul is talking here about a person who throws a temper tantrum when he can’t get what he wants. He or she vents his anger on almost everyone with whom they come in contact.
Wrong anger – sinful anger – is nothing more than a sophisticated version of a temper tantrum. Just because we can define it with articulate speech doesn’t mean it’s any more justified. We are still mad that we can’t get what we want. And our anger overflows out of us and defiles everyone around us.
Instead of nursing, rehearsing, conversing about, and dispersing our anger, we need to do one more thing with our anger before it hurts us and others.
Do Reverse Your Anger
How do you reverse anger? Paul says in Ephesians 4:32 you do it with forgiveness and loving-kindness and tender hearted-ness. One of the best ways – but the way which we rarely go – is to go to the person toward whom you have directed your anger and minister to him or her.
Paul says in Romans 12:20-21, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Heap Burning Coals on his Head
First off, what in the world does that mean? It sounds as if that kind of an action would make matters worse rather than better. What does it mean to heap burning coals on someone’s head?
There are a lot of different explanations about this idiom but as best as I can tell, this expression grew out of an Egyptian custom. When a person had done something wrong, in order for him to express his regret and shame for what he had done, he would place a pan of hot coals on his head to express the burning shame within his heart.
So Paul says when we do good to those who have done us evil, when we go to that person and we show them love and tenderness, we heap burning coals on their heads. In essence, by acting the right way toward them, we may actually cause them to feel shame because of what they have done to us. We reverse what they have done to us by doing good to them.
So how do you reverse your anger? How do you heap burning coals upon the head of a person towards whom you have been angry and who may have in fact done something to hurt you?
See if you can figure out some way to demonstrate love toward him. Don’t get confused here! The point of doing right is not to shame the person. That still has an element of self in it. The point of doing right is simply to love him. If shame arises, it will do so on its own when sin comes face to face with pure love. We are to love others in the way that God in Christ has loved us.
Is there someone today at whom you are angry? If so, learn to tackle that joy-stealer.