Guilt Recurring
A Broken Record
Q. I keep feeling guilty for things that happened in my past over and over again. Even worse, my unbelieving family won’t let me forget and still treats me like I’m a bad person. Yet, I accepted the Lord and have made real changes in my life. Any thoughts on how to handle this?
Answer:
Join the club! I fight this, too, and just about everyone I know deals with it periodically. It seems to be hardest for those of us from unbelieving families.
Create a “New Psyche” in Me (Psalm 51:10)
If you have followed the Bible’s advice about confession and repentance, then you are forgiven no matter how you “feel.” Feelings are unreliable, unpredictable and “moody.” Most of the time we can’t trust our own feelings nor should we place much faith in them.
This is why Psalm 51:10 asks God to “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” Our hearts – our psychological make-up – need to be recreated. We need “new” hearts because our psychology is sin-tainted. That will happen at the rapture (1 Cor. 15:51-53). So until then we must believe in faith that we are forgiven.
The Christian’s Bar of Soap
Having said that, the apostle John tells us “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). This verse is called the Christian’s “bar of soap.” Not to believe it is to actually mistrust, disbelieve and disobey our Father in heaven.
(I know…I know…you didn’t need a new reason to feel guilty).
We are Members of God’s Household
Sometimes we also need to limit our contact with certain family members or friends if they cannot let go of the past. That doesn’t mean we treat them disrespectfully. It simply means we need to grow new friendships and contacts in our church family.
The apostle Paul tells us that “you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God” (Eph. 2:19). Even if you don’t “feel” like other believers are your new family, in God’s sight they ARE. Someday our “feelings” will catch-up to us when we meet in heaven.
Philippians 4:8 Think-List
To fight these painful, guilty moments even after we have confessed our sins, we suggest that you put together a list of things you enjoy or like to think about, and use this list to put into practice Philippians 4:8.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (ESV).
Pick One or Two Fun Things
Our list does not have to focus only upon religious things. It could be sports, gardening, fun hobbies, playing with a cute pet, going to a movie, getting together with friends, and so on. Make your own list of things you like doing. Whenever guilt gets you down, get out your “think list” and concentrate on it. Pick one and do it.
Remember – God wouldn’t ask us to do this if it were impossible for us. So make that list and keep it handy!
Priests of Solomon’s Temple
Let’s review the steps of confession and repentance now. These are the steps the priests of Solomon’s Temple took in the Inner Court to cleanse themselves and the people. Once we have done this we know that we have been forgiven. Any other feelings are invalid and must be subjected to the priority of our “think list.”
Acknowledge
First, we need to recognize and acknowledge our sins. This is because we cannot truly “repent” of sins we don’t actually acknowledge. How can we confess it if we don’t know it?
For example, if you went on a drunken binge then you must acknowledge your drunkenness to the Father. If you lost your temper and hurt others then you must acknowledge your anger to the Lord. Be sure to take all of your negative, mean thoughts to God. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says we must take all of these thoughts “captive to Christ.”
Confess, Repent, & Forgive
Once we have identified and acknowledged our sins, then we need to confess them and repent of our sins. If we have been arrogant or angry, we need to tell the Lord. If we have abused drugs we need to own up to it as soon as possible before our holy Father in heaven.
The Life Application Study Bible reminds us that “True confession also involves a commitment not to continue in sin. We wouldn’t be genuinely confessing our sins to God if we planned to commit them again and just wanted temporary forgiveness. We should also pray for strength to defeat temptation the next time we face it.” (Notes, 1 John 1:9). This fits in line with Jesus telling sinners to “go and sin no more.”
Psalm 32:5 says,
“I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity.
I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions
to the LORD,’
and you forgave the iniquity of my
sin.”
Forgive to be Forgiven
Be sure to forgive others of what they have done to you. Forgiving others is important because if we do not forgive others then the Father cannot forgive us when we acknowledge and confess our own sins.
“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15, ESV).
Perhaps this is a good time to forgive your family for their refusal to forget your sins. If they are not believers they will find it difficult to let go of the past. They are “stuck” in their resentments, anger and hurts. In that sense they are to be pitied.
God is our Avenger
Remember that we are not “pardoning” offenders for their sins against us. Only God has the authority to do that. We are simply turning them over to God. We know that God will deal justly with them. We cannot “make things right” ourselves.
The Bible tells us, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord” (Romans 12:19, ESV).
Present Yourself a Living Sacrifice
Next we need to give everything over to God that the Holy Spirit has shown to be sin. This is the time to “present your bodies as a living sacrifice…” (Ro. 12:1). The priests did this at the Brazen Altar when they sacrificed their offerings to the Lord as described in 2 Chronicles 7:1.
Replace Lies with Truth
Finally, replace lies with Truth by reading God’s Word daily. God will cleanse our souls with the “washing of water by the Word” (Eph. 5:26). Paul tells us to …“be renewed in the spirit of your minds” (Eph. 4:23) and “be transformed by the renewal of your mind…” (Ro. 12:2).
Believers can replace lies with Truth by reading daily from One-Year bibles, or by reading through a book one paragraph at a time. It’s your choice.
“Eat” God’s Word by Memorizing
God speaks to us through His Word. But, how can He speak to us if we don’t know Scripture passages that apply specifically to our situations. David said, “I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11). The best way to do this is to use a concordance to look up verses that apply to your problem. Those are the verses we need to memorize.
A New, Healthy Environment
The actions of owning up to what we have done, acknowledging and confessing our sins, forgiving others, turning it over to God, and replacing lies with the Truth all work together to create a healthy environment to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. These steps will keep us mentally sound God’s way.
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References:
Adams, Jay. 1994. From forgiven to forgiving. Amityville, NY: Calvary Press.
Missler, Nancy. 2007. The kingdom, power & glory: The overcomer’s handbook. Coeur d’Alene, ID: The king’s High Way Ministries.
Life Application Study Bible. 2004. Carol Stream, ILL: Tyndale.
Photo Credit: “Broken Record” from gothamcityinsider.com