Alcohol at Family Parties Q. My immediate family (sisters, brothers, parents) are alcoholics and get drunk during holiday get-togethers. Should I refuse to go or be a part of these family celebrations? Should I leave when they get drunk? Since I live at home this is kind of difficult. What am I supposed to do? How is a Christian supposed to act in these circumstances? I’m 17 years old and it’s hard to “make” my family do anything.Answer: May we suggest that you immediately contact your pastor and the elders of your church for assistance? If you do not have a church family perhaps a friend can recommend one for you. Or we would be happy to help in any way we can. Our hearts go out to you. I’m assuming your relatives are not Christians. The answer is clear if they ARE Christians. In that case, we are not to put up with disgraceful behavior from other believers – ever! We are to avoid other believers who are acting badly or in an abusive manner. (See 2 Timothy 3:1-5; 2 Thessalonians 3:6; 1 Corinthians 5:9-12). Unbelievers or Believers? But, when misbehaving relatives or friends are unbelievers the answer isn’t quite as clear. In this case we must look toward the “whole counsel of God” for answers (Acts 20:27, KJV, NKJV, ESV). Church Members For example, Ephesians 5:18 says we shouldn’t get drunk with wine, but we should be filled with the Spirit. That applies to fellow church members. Church Members, Again… Galatians 5:19-21 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 list sins of the flesh including drunkenness that prevent people from “inheriting” the kingdom of God. While a somewhat controversial interpretation, this list also applies to fellow believers – who may not receive their full inheritance in heaven due to debauchery and misbehavior. Yes to Heaven – But, No to Full Rewards Yes, they will be in heaven. But, no, they may not receive a “full reward” in heaven (2 John 1:8). Paul Benware, Joseph Dillow and Chuck Missler are three expositors who hold to this view.  Stay Away from Drunkards According to most New Testament passages it is clear that drunken behavior is not an option for Christians (or anyone for that matter). In other passages throughout the Old and New Testaments it is a general principle that drunkenness is wrong and to stay away from drunken people. Period. End of story. Isaiah 5:11-12, 22 says, “Woe to those who rise early in the morning to run after their drinks, who stay up late at night till they are inflamed with wine. …Woe to those who are heroes at drinking wine and champions at mixing drinks.” So drunkenness is a loser regardless of your standing in Christ. Habakkuk 2:15 says, “Woe to him who gives drink to his neighbors, pouring it from the wineskin till they are drunk…” (In other words, don’t purposely make people drunk – don’t give them drugs). Distasteful In general our associations with drunkenness are nothing but distasteful: Proverbs 23:21 associates it with “poverty” and “drowsiness.” Isaiah 19:14 calls it “staggering in vomit.” Jeremiah 25:27 associates it with “vomiting.” Ezekiel 23:33 calls it “ruin, desolation.” Isaiah 24:20 says it is “reeling, swaying, and falling.” Abusive, Angry People Furthermore, because drunken people often become angry and abusive we can find numerous scripture passages which warn us to stay away from angry people: “Don’t make friends with quick-tempered people or spend time with those who have bad tempers. If you do, you will be like them. Then you will be in real danger.” (Proverbs 22:24-25, NCV).  Definition of Drunkards Here is Scripture’s perfect description of the alcoholic: “Who has anguish? Who has sorrow? Who is always fighting? Who is always complaining? Who has unnecessary bruises? Who has bloodshot eyes? It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns, trying out new drinks. Don’t gaze at the wine, seeing how red it is, how it sparkles in the cup, how smoothly it goes down. For in the end it bites like a poisonous snake. It stings like a viper. You will see hallucinations, and you will say crazy things. You will stagger like a sailor tossed at sea, clinging to a swaying mast. And you will say, ‘They hit me, but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t even know it when they beat me up.’ When will I wake up so I can look for another drink?” (Proverbs 23:29-32, NLT). So to sum up, Scripture tells us we need to stay away from abusive, angry, drunken, (or drug-addicted) persons. It simply isn’t wise to be around persons who are controlled by fleshly sins set off by drugs and drink. It poses a danger to our selves and others to be around angry, out-of-control people. Moving Out When you are 18 you might want to think about moving away from home if that is your desire. Perhaps you could share rent with a good friend and share costs of living. If you plan to go away to college this is another option. Just remember to stay in touch with your church and ask for their support. After all, church members are our family now. Paul tell us, “So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints, and are of God’s household” (Ephesians 2:19, NASB). Bond closely with your church family. Our church household will be with us for eternity. __________________________________________ Useful Resources: God’s survival guide for women. 2005. Nashville, TN: Nelson. Miller, Patricia. 2002. Quick scripture reference for counseling women. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books. TouchPoints for hurting people. 2004. Wheaton, ILL: Tyndale. |
