Coping with Isolation  I am alone and terribly lonely on holidays. I am widowed, had no children and have no siblings or relatives nearby. It makes me feel extremely depressed during times when others celebrate family get-togethers. Any advice? Answer: Our friends at church are always shocked that my husband and I feel almost as you do at times. In fact, we can place at least 30 people out of 100 at our country church in the same boat as you – especially in this day of shattered, broken families. That is one of the reasons my husband, Ken, became the Director of our local Gospel Rescue Mission. We have a special place in our hearts for isolated, broken people. When the Church Acts Like Cliques There is plenty of blame to go around. Church members and even Christian family members often behave like “cliques” – excluding brothers and sisters in Christ from their holiday gatherings. The excuse is always the same: “There isn’t enough room for them…” “We can’t cook for everybody…” “We don’t have room to invite widows or singles to our dinner”… This is what they typically whine as they justify their poor, thoughtless behaviors. But, there is no excuse for this type of behavior in Christian families! It doesn’t please the Lord and it could cause great harm in the Body of Christ. Nuclear Families  Ephesians 2:19 tells us that believers are “members of God’s household.” It is believers with whom we will share eternity. Christians are our forever family. Is it possible we have this “genetic-exclusivity” attitude due to our culture’s view of a “nuclear family?” The nuclear family sometimes includes only parents, children, and grandchildren – no one else – no cousins, aunts, uncles, or other extended family, let alone singles at church. We tend to invite only “immediate” family to holiday gatherings – when it is other Christians who form our “real” family (Eph. 2:19). But, let’s not overlook a bit of irony here, either: The same secular voices who make outsiders feel neglected on holidays – work overtime to destroy the family unit the remainder of the year. These secular voices want us shopping up a storm for holiday dinners, but neglecting our families at other times. Payback for How we Treated Others Because of these contradictory influences, I believe that when Christians stand before Christ at the judgment seat we will account for this exclusive, rejecting behavior toward others in our churches and families, too. (Read Hebrews 6:10, 2 Corinthians 5:10, & Eph. 2:19). Paul Advises Us to Stay Single Believe it or not, being single is not against the Biblical lifestyle. One thing to remember is that the apostle Paul advises it would be a good thing if widows and single people stayed that way! He says, “But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I” (1 Cor. 7:8). We bolded this text because it is so shocking to our mindset. Why does Paul say this? Paul warns that if widows and singles marry and have children then they will have a lot of problems in their lives. He says it this way: “But if you marry, you have not sinned – and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you” (1 Cor. 7:28, NASB). Double-Trouble In other words, those who have traditional families can have lots of grief, too! There are divorces, squabbles, tragedies and premature death, money troubles, and lots of things that keep dedicated believers from devoting their time, resources and energy to the Lord’s work. So it is really not all that bad to be single for whatever reason. Do not “buy” the message that being married will solve all of your problems. We have to be deliberate Christians. This means that we must look around us and recognize that God has us here for a reason. Then we have to get busy doing His will. Anna is a good example of what I mean… Prophetess Anna Let’s quickly look at Anna as an example of why Paul promotes singleness for believers:  “And there was a prophetess, Anna the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was advanced in years and had lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then as a widow to the age of eighty-four. She never left the temple, serving night and day with fastings and prayers. At that very moment she came up and began giving thanks to God, and continued to speak of Him to all those who were looking for the redemption of Jerusalem” (Luke 2:36-38, NASB). Anna was an awesome prophecy teacher who studied her bible, knew it well and devoted herself to God. She wasn’t distracted by family tragedies, squabbles, interruptions and problems. In that respect, Anna is a delightful role model for those of us without families, don’t you think? Changing Things I admit that I am no different. I do the same things too. But I am also convinced that we as believers really can do better if we just think about it and do something about it. For example, for those of us who are stuck with this exclusion and rejection from family get-togethers, and unwittingly do it to others, there are things we can think and do to positively change our attitudes and circumstances. Organize Church Holiday Dinners  For example, one thing we can do for those who suffer lonely times (including ourselves), is to organize church-family dinners on Christmas day, Thanksgiving, Easter and other holidays. We can enlist the aid of other lonely church members to help. No church member should spend holidays alone because of thoughtless relatives and church members. We really recommend that you consider this. Open these meals to the community and watch attendance at your church grow! You might be shocked by the number of people who would rather celebrate Christ’s birthday or His resurrection with other believers – if given the chance. Even those with families sometimes prefer celebrating with their church families. We have found this to be true time and time again. Of course, we also recommend that you volunteer your services at your local Gospel Rescue Mission during holidays, too. Bring baked goodies and holiday treats to the children living in a rescue mission. They’ll love it! We Still must be Thankful In addition to helping lonely people in your community, we also encourage and suggest that lonely believers start a free subscription to Voice of the Martyrs magazine. Why? Reading true accounts of the bravery of believers worldwide who are thrown out of families and persecuted due to their faith in God, make all of us feel extremely grateful for our own set of circumstances. We learn that if we wake-up in our own bed with a roof over our heads we are fortunate indeed. Here is the website-address for this valuable magazine: www.persecution.com. Listen To & Share Tape-Ministries Finally, we can listen to and share tapes that help us to cope with the loneliness of rejection, widowhood, and being single. Many of us own lots of tapes but don’t realize it can be expensive – so let’s share them with other lonely people. Be aware that John MacArthur offers free online-listening to messages about a variety of subjects. www.gty.org. Joyce Meyer Ministries offers tapes about living alone such as these: Overcoming grief and loneliness. Victory over depression. Available from: www.joycemeyer.org. Many Feel Alone Remember this, too. Did you know that most people feel “alone” in our society? Singles tell us they are alone. Married couples without children complain of being alone. Couples with kids whose parents have died say they are alone. Then, “complete” famlies frequently complain of being alone because of divorce, alienation, and troubles. Not Until Heaven The truth is, most of us feel alone and will not truly “belong” anywhere until we arrive in our heavenly home. So meanwhile, collect tapes for your library and share your tapes with other lonely believers. Organize holiday dinners for others. And remember to thank God for our many blessings! Last, we can begin to memorize Scripture from our heavenly Father who comforts us. Here are two helpful passages: The Lord is our Spouse “Fear not, for you will not be put to shame. Neither feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced. But you will forget the shame of your youth, and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more. For your husband, is your Maker, whose name is the Lord of hosts” (Isaiah 54:4-5, NASB). Nothing Separates you from His Love “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38-39, NIV). We are Comforted in order to Comfort Others Remember that you are not alone in your distress. God comforts you so that “we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Cor. 1:4, ESV). To our Forever Family – That means You!  Authors Valorie Emilio holds an MA in History from UCLA specializing in Christian origins. Ken received his MA in Biblical Studies from Louisiana Baptist University. They helped to raise 11 foster children but had no children of their own. Rather than allow lonely feelings to take over on holidays, they know they are just a “vapor” that appears for a little while and they must make the most of their days remaining (James 4:14; Eph 5:15). You are our family! |
