Bully
Handling a Child’s Friend
Q. My son’s friend is a terrible bully who displays temper tantrums. His Mom thinks his behavior is okay and “cute” and that they should go on being friends. I don’t think his behavior is acceptable or cute at all! My kids are home schooled and we are trying to raise them right. How should I handle this?
Answer:
First, congratulations for undertaking home schooling your own children. We have consistently seen that some of the brightest, nicest and most socially well-adjusted children at church come from home schooled families. (There are some terrific government educated kids, too). But, there are exceptions such as your son’s friend and his parents.
Advantage of Home Schooling
One of the advantages of home schooling is that parents can choose their children’s friends or limit contact with children who display undesirable personality traits. Sometimes government schools cause unbelievable and unnecessary nightmares for children because of forcing children to deal with rude and extremely hostile kids!
Restoration without Repentance?
Here is something for all Christians to consider:
If a brother repents then we must forgive him (Luke 17:3).
This applies to parents and children, too. But, if a brother doesn’t see that he did anything wrong and refuses to repent, then there can be no restoration of the relationship.
Forgiveness works both Ways
Asking for forgiveness means there is a two-way attempt to restore fellowship. However, without repentance on the part of the bully-child or his parents there can be no restoration of a friendship with your son.
In this situation parents need to contact the offender’s parents to assess their willingness to discipline their son or daughter. Without proper discipline it is highly unlikely the bullying child will repent of his wrongdoing.
We still need to forgive an unrepentant person anyway for our own sake and to obey Christ. But, without the offender’s repentance the relationship is not a constructive one and should probably be discontinued.
Definition of Repentance
To sum up, to forgive someone doesn’t mean the person has to be involved in restoration of the relationship (like a battered wife who can forgive – but shouldn’t be around her abusive husband anymore). To “repent” means a complete change of behavior – a turning away from sinful behavior on the part of an offender.
Stay away from Angry People
Finally, the bible clearly states that Christians should avoid angry people. Here are two verses to remember and to teach your children:
1. “Keep away from angry, short-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul” (Proverbs 22:24, NLT).
2. “People with good sense restrain their anger…” (Proverbs 19:11).
Don’t forget to include your children when learning how to deal with bullies – life is full of them!
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Helpful Sources:
Adams, Jay E. 1994. From forgiven to forgiving. Amityville, NY: Calvary Press.com
Touch Points for Hurting People.2004. Wheaton, ILL: Tyndale.