Q. I’m almost embarrassed to bring this up. But, there are groups in my church who are really cliquish and snobbish. They invite each other to attend conferences, workshops and lunches, but leave others out – even those who are alone and have expressed an interest in going. Should I say anything? Will they get away with these rejecting behaviors during the Lord’s judgment just because they are Christians saved by grace?
Answer:
Sinning Church Goers
I’ll bet you aren’t the only one who feels this way. Unfortunately, Christians bring their prejudices and prideful behaviors from the world right into the church. That’s because even though we are saved we still sin. Church goers are sinners and frankly, we lie if we say we don’t sin (1 Jn 1:8). Amen?
Untrustworthy People
Even Jesus was cautious around people because He knew we had problems and were untrustworthy. John 2:24-25 reveals the following about mankind:
“But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men, and because He did not need anyone to testify concerning man, for He Himself knew what was in man” (NASB).
The Church is One
This may feel like we are all knocking our heads against the wall, but we are told repeatedly throughout the New Testament that the church is one (or should be).
Paul wrote,
“Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit – just as you were called to one hope when you were called – one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all” (Eph. 4:4, NIV).
We are Family
Furthermore, all Christians constitute the household of God. Paul reminds us that “You are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household”…(Eph. 2:19, NIV).
Therefore, it is not appropriate for Christians to snub others in a church family anymore than they would snub their own mother or father or brothers and sisters.
Factions & Divisions
Paul addressed this problem when various groups were bragging and quarreling over factions in church. He notes, “I appeal to you dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church. Rather, be of one mind, united in thought and purpose. For some members of Chloe’s household have told me about your quarrels, my dear brothers and sisters…Has Christ been divided into factions?” (1 Cor. 1:10-13, NLT).
Listing Activities in Bulletin
There are several ways to avoid exclusive divisions in churches. For example, if there is one person in charge of organizing a group outing, perhaps you could approach this person in an upbeat manner (in love) and suggest that an outing, conference, or other activity be placed in the church bulletin. If the proposed meeting is for women over fifty, for teens, or for young parents or any other particular group, this can be mentioned beforehand by placing it in the bulletin. That way no one in particular is left out.
Other Fish to Fry
If it is uncomfortable to do this then we suggest you find other things to do and other people to “hang out” with. The church is filled with interesting people who have needs to belong just like you or me. When I was a teenager and snubbed by a date, my mother used to say, “There are other fish to fry.” This is good, commonsense advice.
Accountable for Selfishness
This is an important point:
If someone cannot be inclusive of others or be kind to Christians outside their group it is their problem. They will have to account for their own selfish behaviors when we stand before the Lord in judgment (2 Cor. 5:10). This will affect our rewards and rulership positions with Christ in the kingdom of heaven (1 Cor. 3:14-15; Matt. 25:21).
We are told we will account for every idle, thoughtless word, deed, motive or thought. (See Matt. 12:36; Ro. 2:15; Heb. 4:12; 1 Cor. 3:15; 1 Cor. 4:5).
Certainly, how we treat other believers will be rewarded or we will suffer loss during our judgment (Heb. 6:10). At that time many Christians will desperately wish they had tried harder and been nicer.
They will learn that everything they did or thought, counted toward their future positions of responsibility and rewards in heaven. While it may not seem important now, it will then!
Meanwhile, we are to go on with our lives and be loving toward others, forgiving those who hurt us.
The Bible says,
Don’t get Even
“Don’t say, ‘I will get even for this wrong.’ Wait for the LORD to handle the matter” (Proverbs 20:22, NLT).
Don’t Pay back Insults with Insults
“Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it” (1 Peter 3:9).
Forgive so you are Forgiven
“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others” (Colossians 3:13).
Jesus told us to forgive with even stronger language:
“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:14-5, NASB).
Trust God & quit trying to Figure it Out
Finally, always remember to trust God and quit trying to figure out everything. We can’t possibly know why someone behaves as they do. Proverbs 3:7 says:
“Trust in the LORD with
all your heart
And do not lean on your
own understanding.
In all your ways
acknowledge Him,
And He will make your
paths straight.”
Pray & Count your Blessings
Bring all of your worries, fears and needs to the Lord in prayer and don’t forget to thank Him for every blessing in your life.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7, NASB).
Now – go on with your life and don’t worry about another’s petty behaviors. Do what you can do – be about your Father’s business and bring fruit into your life: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control… against such things there is no law” (Galatians 5:22).
Church cliques are against Jesus’ prayer for Oneness (John 17). Yet, we know that true justice will be done in good time. Take heart!
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References:
Benware, Paul. 2002. The believer’s payday. Chattanooga, TN: AMG.
Lutzer, Erwin. 1998. Your eternal reward. Chicago: Moody.