Conflict Resolution
In Our Churches
Question: Is there a clear, biblical way to handle disputes, arguments, or mismanagement of financial funds within churches or with Christians in general? Where is it and how do we go about implementing such a plan?
Answer:
Matthew 18:15-17 offers churches and individual Christians a clear method for conflict resolution that is authoritative and definitive from Jesus Christ Himself.
Let’s review His advice:
Matthew 18:15-17
Verse 15: Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.
1. Our first step is to directly confront an offender personally and privately in order to point out his or her “offense.” But this must be done with humility and a desire to maintain fellowship.
Verse 16: But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’
2. If step one has not worked then we are to take along two or three other believers who know the offender – for a second confrontation. We are not to gossip about the problem or accuse someone without other believers present.
This rule comes from Paul’s advice “not to receive an accusation against an elder except on the basis of two or three witnesses” (1 Timothy 5:19). The idea of two or three witnesses originally comes from a wise and ancient law based on Deuteronomy 19:15 which provides for reconciliation between opposing persons. Too often we shoot first and ask questions later.
Verse 17: And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector (NKJV).
3. If taking along other Christians with you to confront the offender has not worked, then we need to bring it before the church, specifically the leadership like the elders or perhaps to another pastor – like an associate pastor or a youth pastor & finally to the entire congregation.
If taking it before the church has failed then we should treat the offender as a “pagan” or a tax collector. That means “shunning” or ostracizing the offender until they change their ways.
This is probably the best procedure for unrepentant sins such as malicious gossip, drunkenness, foul language, cheating, lying etc.
Further Dealings with Sinning Christians
If none of the above has worked satisfactorily for some reason, then we need to look at 1 Corinthians chapters 5 and 6.
Being “Turned Over to Satan” (1 Cor. 5:5)
1. A sinning Christian (or a leader) can be “excommunicated” or forbidden to be a part of the church (see 1 Corinthians 5:2-13). This is part of being “turned over to Satan” (1 Cor. 5:5) and is an extreme, serious step in church discipline.
Examples might be for unrepentant sinners who engage in offensive behaviors and refuse to change or make proper restitution if that is what is called for.
Potential Restoration
2. However, if the sinning Christian repents then the elders and the congregation as a whole must offer forgiveness and comfort (see 2 Cor. 2:5-8). Also, the elders are to allow the sinner back into fellowship if he has repented and followed remedial procedures suggested to him.
Shunning
3. If there is no repentance then the entire church is not to associate with a sinning brother or sister except to warn them of the consequences of their behavior so that they might feel “shame” (see 2 Thessalonians 3:14-15). This could include behaviors and misdeeds such as sexual sins and business transactions that have injured others.
Argumentative People
4. If the sinning brother still continues in sin after two warnings, then the person is to be rejected from fellowship (see Titus 3:10).
This passage from Titus has to do with people who are argumentative and divisive:
“Reject a divisive man after the first and second admonition, knowing that such a person is warped and sinning, being self-condemned.“
Instead, Christians are supposed “to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men” (Titus 3:2).
Forgiveness Required
It bears repeating – one thing church members may forget is that they are obligated to “forgive” if a sinner “repents.” Not to do so is also an offense!
Matthew 6:15 warns…”if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.“
In other words, if someone apologizes for something we had better learn to forgive them in return. If we don’t, God may not forgive us of our own sins. Ouch…
James 2:13 also warns, “For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy.“
Jesus says, “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses” (Matthew 18:35, NKJV).
It is always better to forgive too much than to condemn too much. There is a saying that “God forgives our sins, buries them in the sea of forgetfulness, and puts up a sign: ‘No fishing.'” Maybe we should try to do the same.
Christians & the Courts
Getting into arguments and negotiations;
Proverbs 17:14 – “The beginning of strife is like the releasing of water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.“
Christians are advised to try to be peacemakers in all situations. We are not supposed to “get even” or “make them pay.”
Paul says, “As much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men…Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, for it is written ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:18-19).
Refusing to be Peacemakers
The consequences of refusing to seek peace could be severe. Hebrews 12:14 says, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”
Taking others to court; or being taken to court;
However, sometimes others have been hurt in a manner that requires some sort of restitution from the courts. Jesus offers us advice in these situations, too. Note that He still does not counter passages that demand we seek peace.
Matt 5:25-26 – “Agree (settle) with your adversary quickly while you are on the way with him (to court), lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny.“
Lk 12:58 – “When you go with your adversary to the magistrate, make every effort along the way to settle with him…“
1 Corinthians 6:6-8 – But brother goes to law (court) against brother, and that (even) before unbelievers (go to court)! Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated? No, you yourselves do wrong and cheat, and you do these things to your brethren!
Counter Cultural Practices
The advice in 1 Corinthians 6 above defies everything we have been taught in our society. In our culture we are taught to stand up for our rights and to become aggressive with those who have hurt us. Yet, Paul is asking us to be cheated rather than “go to law against one another.”
Exceptions – Orphans, Widows, Poor & Aliens
However, we are always to stand up for the rights of orphans and widows and those who are weaker.
Isaiah 1:17 says, “Learn to do good. Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor. Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow” (NKJV).
There are numerous passages in Scripture and Church doctrines which deal with matters of money and how to conduct the business of the church. These passages deal with the church as a community and as individuals. Admonitions regarding Biblical standards for commerce abound.
It is up to each of us to be deliberate about how we worship as well as how we conduct our affairs. We strongly suggest that every Christian take the time to open their Bibles and read how God wants us to treat one another and to resolve our differences.
“Thus says the LORD of hosts:
‘Execute true justice,
Show mercy and compassion
Everyone to his brother.
Do not oppress the widow or
the fatherless,
The alien or the poor.
Let none of you plan evil in his
heart
Against his brother.'”
(Zechariah 7:9-10, NKJV)
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References:
Adams, Jay. 1994. From forgiven to forgiving. Amityville, NY: Calvary Press.
MacArthur, John. 2004. Chapter 10: Just as God has forgiven you. FromTruth matters. Nashville, TN: Nelson.
— Discipline of God’s children. (Tape GC 2331,Part 2). Available from: http://www.biblebb.com/files/MAC/2331.htm.
Authors Ken Emilio holds an M.A. in Biblical Studies from Louisiana Baptist University. Valorie received her M.A. in History from UCLA focusing upon early church history.