Gossips – the Meddling Kind
Actions to Take?
Q. My daughter-in-law lies in bed all day but manages to get up to go see her psychiatrist or to go to the store to buy her meds or to shop for new clothes. My son does everything his wife wants him to. This isn’t right. No one should live this way. I keep telling him to quit catering to his wife’s demands.
Answer:
Your question applies to many people and situations. So thank you for asking, and please don’t take our answer too personally. Just seriously consider taking the advice given from the Bible because we hear this kind of thing frequently. Similar circumstances to yours are common to many people. So let’s look at what we should do when people don’t behave as we think they should.
Get a Life
First, maybe you need to think about “geting a life” as the expression goes. Is it really your business or concern if your son does or does not do something for his wife? I know you care about him. But, what good does it do to criticize his wife? Has it changed anything? Does it motivate her to act better?
If your son is old enough to be married then his life and his marriage must be his own responsibility. You have already completed your job of raising him.
Shouldn’t you be paying attention to your own failings and problems now that he is grown? What would you like him to do in response to his wife’s depression?
Are you hoping he will leave his wife? Are you trying to disrupt a marriage and cause a divorce? Is this what you think God wants for your son? What kind of example are you setting for this family?
Mind your own Business & Keep Busy
The Bible says “Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before” (1 Thessalonians 4:11, NLT).
This passage clearly tells us to mind our own business and to keep busy with productive work. We’re not supposed to waste our time being busybodies traveling from house to house talking about others.
Placing Meddling Widows on Church Welfare?
In another example the apostle Paul warns Timothy that idle, young widows should not be placed on church welfare or “they will learn to be lazy and will spend their time gossiping from house to house, meddling in other people’s business and talking about things they shouldn’t” (1 Timothy 5:13, NLT).
Can anything be plainer than this?
Warning about Meddling
But the two verses above are not the only ones warning against gossip and meddling:
“Like one who takes a dog
by the ears
Is he who passes by and
meddles with strife
not belonging to him.”
(Proverbs 26:17)
Jesus also had some choice words to say to meddlers:
“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:3-5, NASB).
Asking for Severe Judgments
Immediately preceding this verse our Lord warns, “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged” (Matthew 7:1-2, NLT).
Until you have “walked in her shoes” we think you should be careful about gossiping and criticizing someone for circumstances about which you know little. Worse, even if you have walked in her shoes, if you do not stop this kind of meddling and gossip, you may be asking for severe judgments upon your own life! The standards you use for “her” are the standards that will be used for “you.” Do you really want that?
“If you want to enjoy life
and see many happy days,
keep your tongue from
speaking evil…”
(1 Peter 3:10, NLT)
Meddlesome gossip is a serious offense! Peter commands us to make sure that “none of you suffers (punishment) as a murderer, or thief, or evildoer, or a troublesome meddler…” (1 Peter 4:15). In other words, a “meddler” is equated with being a murderer or thief!
The Terrible Tongue
“If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless” (James 1:26, NIV).
“If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other” (Galatians 5:15).
We are warned about the “terrible tongue” over and over in the Bible. If you have any doubts about someone else’s behavior it is better to stay silent about it. God wants us to work at managing our own affairs and improving our own lives. Life is hard enough as it is – we don’t need to add “changing others” to our long list of things to do.
True Righteous Anger
Please understand that becoming “righteously angry” has nothing to do with petty squabbles, personal opinions, slights from others or gossip and criticisms directed toward others.
True righteous anger has to do with social justice issues such as poverty, abuse of women or children, and other large-scale causes such as these.
Replacing Gossip with Helpful Support
Instead, believers need to work at replacing meddling and gossip with speech that edifies and builds up others. The apostle Paul says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).
Our Think-List
We need to concentrate on focusing upon the Philippians 4:8 “think list:”
…“whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things” (NASB).
Always pursue Peace
The Lord wants Christians to pursue peace and to rest knowing He is the avenger in all matters. “Pursue peace…with all people and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord” (Hebrews 12:14).
…”Search for peace, and work
to maintain it”…
(1 Peter 3:11, NLT)
Leave Justice to God
“If it is possible…As much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men…Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, for it is written ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:18-19).
Pursuing peace and leaving revenge to God should be every Christian’s goal.
Please understand that our purpose is not to make you feel guilty or bad for wanting to change things pertaining to your son’s life. What you do about it is your concern. But, we hope that providing this list of verses might help you to make good decisions that line-up with God’s Word.
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